"Why do we fall..."

...so we can learn to pick ourselves up. I've fallen and now I don't know who I am anymore, or even if I'm still the same guy i once was. Already down and can't get any lower, but actually i can still fall. Found out that I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and i've damaged my liver. So what does that mean? No more alcohol for a long while now, and gotta get back in the gym and workout, or the other option i have is medications. I'd never thought that i drank too much, and i knew one day i could hurt my liver, but never expected it to be this soon. You can have fun without alcohol, i just dont know how, i dont even know how to be anymore. I know part of me is still hiding, the emotional part buried deep down. They said it be helpful if i kept a journal or wrote whats going on. I dunno if this counts, or how public i want to go if i go. I guess they know best, and there actually helping, but opening up is hard, especially now, especially for me.

I feel like i need to make peace, to find closure. Its difficult when i don't know where to start. There are times i know i am sad, but dont feel or act sad, that where tears normally drop they don't. It's a difficult time in my life. A part of me is gone, and i dunno if i'll be the same person i was. I know i can act the same, and do the same things, but truly not be all there. I've developed a way to shut down that side of me, and to go on and do what needs to be done, able to forget for a brief moment of what's happened. It always comes back, the restless nights, the loneliness, the barriers i've put up within myself. In a way I guess my body is trying to get a point across and tell me not everythings ok. Its hard always being the strong one, the one to count on, depend upon.

So why do we fall... so that we can learn to pick ourselves up