Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose!

I have too much time on my hands since i don't want to get stuck in traffic and the addition of fires to the mix. Too much time alone with my thoughts sitting in my office alone. It saddens me to think this way, and also stupid for thinking this way. I should be over it, i should be moving on, but I'm just hanging on waiting for something, anything. I was able to accomplish something today, cleaned my desk, at least I can use part of my desk again. Took down some old cards from a year ago.

I need to put myself first for a bit at least to help me. It might sound weird, it doesn't make sense to me, but maybe that's me. Time is great thing to have and also something you don't want to waste. As i sit wasting time i could be using to be productive one way or another. I have no reasons to do stuff and I let things pass me by. I should be doing something but i feel that part of me is lost or piece of me died. Like i said time is something you don't want to waste and can be your worse enemy. I have too much time to think and fall down. When i don't think i move on, but with no direction. I need some direction I need a way to find my path again. Life was simpler when we we're younger. Time to let go of that life and move on , time to grow up. I've grown to a point and need to make that next step. How do you take that step and when. I've lost that guidance and I'm on my own. I'm alone.. I carry too much pity and guilt on myself that i shouldn't but haven't learned how not to. I hide things well, too well it hides from myself and bites me in the ass later. I think im scared of what the future olds, scared to leave, scared to move on.