Sometimes it makes you think...
Karma....
That good things happen to good people, and if you do something bad it will bite you in the ass.
When we were little it was easy to think of the future. Choosing who and what we want to be when we grow up. We can't wait till were old enough to go on the big rides at Disneyland. We can't wait to grow older. When were young we can't wait to turn 16 to drive. When were 16 can't wait till were 18, when were 18 cant wait for 21. Then theres a point when were older that we wish we were young again. That we can be anything we want to be, which is always true, and just gets smaller as we get older.
My future is uncertain, we talk about getting back to normal, and moving on. I tell myself that everyday, and somedays it works and other days it doesn't. Do everything that people expect, what i expect, and yet the pain is still there. Is it faith, karma, or jus me.
Just when i think i found my future, theres things that hinder or hold me back. Does that mean its not to be, or jus obstacles to make me sure its what i want. I've always think i've been doin well or doing good things. So why do these things happen, and why do i even bother.
I've wasted my time, and feel that im running out now. They say we have plenty of time that were still young, but i don't believe that. I know my time is short, what i mean my time is short for this part of my life. That i need to set my career, set my life, set my future, and not let it hang in limbo, as it is now and the past year. With everything happening it made me reevaluate my life and an urgency on changes. But now it feels like i've hit a bump in my road to life, and can't see why or understand why. IS it karma, faith? Why is it when i finally think i know what to do, how to handle life again. It feels like i've taken 5 steps back for every 1 step forward. I've stepped away and distanced myself from others more than it seems like. Now it seems that there is no one to turn to, and i know thats my fault. I've isolated myself for 6 months, i've built many walls, i've closed myself to a point where i can't open or share things i did before. It should be like riding a bike, talking to people again. But the issues that bother me, i don't even know. I buried, ignored, or jus don'teven realize because i've been good at building walls, and avoiding issues. Now when i want to turn to people theres no one around, and I can't bring myself or bring down my walls. My walls protect me or hinder me, more of the latter and to a point that it hides it from myself that i don't even know.
Is this who i've become, someone who's inner pains are finally manifesting into outer, physical pain. My heart was shattered 8 months ago, but i've never let that show, to now where it physically hurts. Is it karma biting back at me.
I've been in the dark, lost for sometime. I jus wish i knew what to do?
Growing up sux... if only i could of done things differently. To cherish and take adavantage of the time i had, instead of taking things for granted.
That good things happen to good people, and if you do something bad it will bite you in the ass.
When we were little it was easy to think of the future. Choosing who and what we want to be when we grow up. We can't wait till were old enough to go on the big rides at Disneyland. We can't wait to grow older. When were young we can't wait to turn 16 to drive. When were 16 can't wait till were 18, when were 18 cant wait for 21. Then theres a point when were older that we wish we were young again. That we can be anything we want to be, which is always true, and just gets smaller as we get older.
My future is uncertain, we talk about getting back to normal, and moving on. I tell myself that everyday, and somedays it works and other days it doesn't. Do everything that people expect, what i expect, and yet the pain is still there. Is it faith, karma, or jus me.
Just when i think i found my future, theres things that hinder or hold me back. Does that mean its not to be, or jus obstacles to make me sure its what i want. I've always think i've been doin well or doing good things. So why do these things happen, and why do i even bother.
I've wasted my time, and feel that im running out now. They say we have plenty of time that were still young, but i don't believe that. I know my time is short, what i mean my time is short for this part of my life. That i need to set my career, set my life, set my future, and not let it hang in limbo, as it is now and the past year. With everything happening it made me reevaluate my life and an urgency on changes. But now it feels like i've hit a bump in my road to life, and can't see why or understand why. IS it karma, faith? Why is it when i finally think i know what to do, how to handle life again. It feels like i've taken 5 steps back for every 1 step forward. I've stepped away and distanced myself from others more than it seems like. Now it seems that there is no one to turn to, and i know thats my fault. I've isolated myself for 6 months, i've built many walls, i've closed myself to a point where i can't open or share things i did before. It should be like riding a bike, talking to people again. But the issues that bother me, i don't even know. I buried, ignored, or jus don'teven realize because i've been good at building walls, and avoiding issues. Now when i want to turn to people theres no one around, and I can't bring myself or bring down my walls. My walls protect me or hinder me, more of the latter and to a point that it hides it from myself that i don't even know.
Is this who i've become, someone who's inner pains are finally manifesting into outer, physical pain. My heart was shattered 8 months ago, but i've never let that show, to now where it physically hurts. Is it karma biting back at me.
I've been in the dark, lost for sometime. I jus wish i knew what to do?
Growing up sux... if only i could of done things differently. To cherish and take adavantage of the time i had, instead of taking things for granted.
posted by dan at 10:41 PM
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