Fear is within ourselves

I never knew what anxiety attacks were before. But apparently i've been having them quite a few times. I thought I was behind all this, but a recent attack says other wise. It's been a while since I've been online or at lesat open. I know I haven't really been focused or the matter of fact have a plan set for the future. I can't let go of the past, i still carry the burden. I know i shouldn't be or at least over it, but who can really put a time table on healing. It's easier to hide and bury it and that may be the problem. I can never forget, but have to deal with moving forward. I need clarity i need time to really think, and i haven't been honest within myself or with others. The hurt is still there , and one day will lessen or go away. I still feel guilty and just wish there so many things that i could of changed, or did differently. If i know what i knew then it be a different story. I know people say they learn from it and move on. I always though i have and then days like this come back to haunt me, and i feel like im back to square one. I guess i carry this fear and hopefully one day can overcome. I need to figure out whats next in my life??? I've been done this road before but last time i had help, no i'm on my own and i dunno. I feel like i can find many similarities of my life on tv shows, and see how they handle them. I can relate and sometimes wish it was jus that easy to do.

Its all about another chance...