Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstances
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of change
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the year
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Wildcard Game

Our IM Flag Football Team, Team Balco squeeked into the playoffs for a wildcard game on Veteran's Day. Win and we go into the next round of playoofs, lose and go home. The only problem, missing some key players, like our main wr's, cb's, and a qb. Just cuz its a 4:30 game and couldnt reschedule it for 7 so my team can get off work and make it to the game. So with barely enough players, going both ways is tiring. We found fresh legs in the running game, with the addition of lil Pat, and moving our rb, Kingsley to wr. Moving our safety to the qb position and you have a recipe for a make shift offense. We were able to put up 20 points and gave up only 12. So in the end we win! Were going to the next round. Tomorrow at 11. Had some good blocks and a pancake and a couple hits. With the addition of JR's friend we were an intimidating team, like the glory days.


So been trying to eat healthy which is difficult and the hardest part is giving up soda and alcohol. Works jus been busy, but what else is new. Same b.s. day in day out. It was hard this week to get up in the morning and go to work. Seriously though i need something to change in my life.

"Why do we fall..."

...so we can learn to pick ourselves up. I've fallen and now I don't know who I am anymore, or even if I'm still the same guy i once was. Already down and can't get any lower, but actually i can still fall. Found out that I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and i've damaged my liver. So what does that mean? No more alcohol for a long while now, and gotta get back in the gym and workout, or the other option i have is medications. I'd never thought that i drank too much, and i knew one day i could hurt my liver, but never expected it to be this soon. You can have fun without alcohol, i just dont know how, i dont even know how to be anymore. I know part of me is still hiding, the emotional part buried deep down. They said it be helpful if i kept a journal or wrote whats going on. I dunno if this counts, or how public i want to go if i go. I guess they know best, and there actually helping, but opening up is hard, especially now, especially for me.

I feel like i need to make peace, to find closure. Its difficult when i don't know where to start. There are times i know i am sad, but dont feel or act sad, that where tears normally drop they don't. It's a difficult time in my life. A part of me is gone, and i dunno if i'll be the same person i was. I know i can act the same, and do the same things, but truly not be all there. I've developed a way to shut down that side of me, and to go on and do what needs to be done, able to forget for a brief moment of what's happened. It always comes back, the restless nights, the loneliness, the barriers i've put up within myself. In a way I guess my body is trying to get a point across and tell me not everythings ok. Its hard always being the strong one, the one to count on, depend upon.

So why do we fall... so that we can learn to pick ourselves up