Best thoughts never written down

Ever wake up and have something to remember or need to remember but never do because you forget it when you go back to sleep, or lose it the moment you can't write it down. I feel like i've lived two lives at the same time, and one feels guilt the other selfishness. For two years i always think my life up to now has been a dream something to not do when i wake up, something to accept, something to look forward to. A part of me still is holding on feeling guilty for moving on for forgetting, but i wont ever forget, that change is good, but also the pain and sadness every day every nite when i close my eyes.
Then there's the part that feels selfish that its all bout me, not when there are other things NOW other things happening not associated to me but happening. 2 years have past, but i still hold on to wat? Moving on seems easy its always the dreams that haunt you, the things you wish you had time to do, to take back, to live for. We're told we all deal with things differently, i know i've always been slow at learning life and maybe time to catch up.
I know in the mind wats going on, its the heart that has trouble understanding maybe till now?
So its time to take another step forward...